Official Crew Bio
GREENWOMAN
Manager ~ HALF AFT
A Small Auxillary Bar

GreenWoman was born on a houseboat in the Atchafalaya Basin, the illegitimate daughter of a wandering Floridian minstrel and a misguided Celt who moved there because she preferred crawfish to haggis. She proved a talented smart-ass early on and was soon traded by her mother to French Quarter restaurateur Benjamin Sisko as a scullery maid, in return for his etoufee recipe.

Showing an early, if schizophrenic, interest in science fiction and narrative songwriting, GreenWoman used these talents well when she was promoted to bartender in Sisko's restaurant. After much experimentation, she invented her still-secret recipe for Green Stuff, which became famous for inspiring customers to tell long, pointless (if humorous) stories, sing drinking songs from all over the universe, and end up seeing stars.

When an old friend of Benjamin's named Guinan offered her an apprenticeship, GreenWoman eagerly accepted. After several light (and a few heavy) years of working for Guinan, Green decided to strike off on her own. Although they had become close friends and Green had learned much from her mentor, she finally got sick and tired of carrying all those huge hatboxes from one ship to another.

Toting her CD case, her secret recipe for Green Stuff, and her collection of aloha shirts, Green drifted aimlessly but happily around the universe until she found herself on the Bajoran space station Deep Space Nine, which was being administered by the son of her old boss Sisko. GreenWoman was immediately hired by a Ferengi named Quark, the proprietor of the station's biggest watering hole, who recognized her bartending skills and her ability to so confuse drunken Klingons with recitations of Jimmy Buffett lyrics that they eventually left the bar in a daze, forgetting to break anything on their way out.

GreenWoman and Quark became fast friends, and she would probably have stayed in the Ferengi's employ much longer, but it was not to be. Green fell hopelessly in love with the station's security officer, a gruff but charming, tough but fair, brave but shy, homely but bedroom-eyed, quiet but compelling, intelligent but angst-ridden, devastatingly attractive shapeshifter named Odo. Green tried everything she knew to get his attention, but she had two strikes against her ... her boss Quark was the Constable's greatest security problem, and Odo was (for some inane reason Green could never comprehend) madly in love with a stupid, hot-tempered, obtuse, ornery, bitchy, short-sighted, dangerous, cranky, and altogether annoying Bajoran liaison officer who just happened to look dauntingly sexy in a spandex catsuit uniform.

GreenWoman, recognizing that only heartbreak lay ahead, knew she must leave Deep Space Nine. When the USS Fortyish, a Tepid-Class starship with a complement of hard-working, hard-drinking, hard-snacking and hard-Scrabbling older and occasionally wiser Star Fleet types put in at DS9 for shore leave, GreenWoman saw her chance. Although the ship already had the regulation Ten Forward recreational establishment, it was easy to convince the Captain (and, with the tempting bribe of some Green Stuff, the crew) that a ship like theirs needed a small auxiliary bar. Green came aboard in a civilian capacity as the founder/manager of Half Aft, named as much in honor of the physical and mental condition of the Fortyish crew as for its location on the ship.

Half Aft, with its mismatched furniture and glasses, its viewscreen running endless loops of DS9 episodes, its juke box stocked with Jimmy Buffett, Warren Zevon and Eagles tapes, and its strict code barring Klingon opera, has become a popular secondary retreat for the crew of the Fortyish to recover from hard working and hard Scrabbling with some hard drinking and hard snacking. With her unique perspective on life, the universe and everything, her uneven but sometimes astonishing semi-mastery of eclectic trivia, and her lack of rank allowing her to get away with smartass remarks and real alcohol in her Green Stuff, GreenWoman's presence is not only tolerated but sometimes even sought out by the legitimate crew.

GreenWoman figures she has it pretty good. To paraphrase a lyric of her muse, "she has found her a home."

~ Return to AOL Trekkers Over & Around Forty ~